My friend has a Beemer

Yeah, that's right. One of my friends owns a BMW. I just found out today. (I am using the word friend here a little loosely - the 'friend' in question recently moved to our area, started attending our church, comes to our home group, and we are getting to know each other.) Until tonight, I have only seen my friend and his wife in their Suburban - a beautiful new 'suburban' Suburban.

I knew they had some cash, having just sold their house in downtown Vancouver but I didn't think they had that much.

So, Angela and I leave to go home after our care group meeting and parked behind me is this beautiful, black shiny BMW. I didn't take a closer look at it because I didn't want to make it obvious that I was gawking but it was definitely worth a bit of coin (and yes it was theirs and I was not mistaken - we were on an acreage and I know what everyone else drives).

I do admit that a severe jealousy has come over me. And that is one reason for this post. I really quite ashamed that I even care that much about what someone drives. I am ashamed that I want a car such as theirs. I am ashamed that I have judged them based on their vehicle choice.

It's now been maybe 20 minutes since this all came to light to me and I am amused at the context in which this falls: our group just started a little series on Marriage by Andy Stanley and tonight he talked about the transition that happens in marriage when our desires become our expectations. Like when a couple is engaged and they have dreams of what their life will be together - their desires. And then, sometime into their marriage, those desires may become expectations. "So dear, doing the laundry is your job cause that is what the wife does" or "when are we going to put a down payment on a house because you sir promised you would provide for our family." And Andy was saying that when we live with expectations and don't put them back in the "desire" category, the marriage relationship erodes. As I was listening, I was thinking about my relationship with Angela, sure, but I was also thinking about my discontent with my "faith." I realized tonight that I expect quite a bit from God. I realize that I have been saying to God: "OK, so I am serving you. I am in ministry. You owe me one, God. You owe me blessings. You owe me a decent salary. You owe me a reliable car. You owe me more than this." Well, I haven't really said all that stuff outright but that is basically how a have become to feel about my relationship with God. And that is probably why I have become bitter with God. I am angry that he hasn't followed through on his end of the bargain.

Andy Stanley says that one way you can find out what your unknown expectations are taking not of what you don't thank your spouse for. For example: Angela does all our laundry. We haven't really talked about who's job it is. She just does it. And she seems to not mind. The problem lies in the fact that I rarely, if ever, thank her for it. I only seem to mention something about it when I am low on socks or something. And according to Andy, this is because I expect her to do the laundry. And he's right. One day I may have desired for my wife to do our laundry but somewhere along the way, it changed to an expectation. This is not good. If I could get it back to a desire, I would have gratitude that Angela is doing our laundry and in tern might be more likely to do the laundry out of love for me. She would be doing it to fulfill my desire, not live up to expectations. If she is always trying to live up to expectations, then she may get tired of it, get bitter, angry and she could perhaps quit it all together but one thing is sure: it would become an issue of contention. And not realize that it is my expectation that started it in the first place, I wouldn't understand what the problem was. You get what I'm saying?

And I do the same thing with God. I have desires, but I've somehow, for some reason, turned them into expectations. The Bible talks a lot about God wanting to give us our desires but says very little about living up to our expectations.

And after we watched the talk about this, of course Andy says we are going to learn how to move expectations back to desires in the coming weeks. We all wanted to find out how right away. Oh well, it gave us lots to think about as couples.

But this was the context of my thoughts surrounding my friend and his Beemer. And my thoughts about why God hasn't blessed me like I expected him too. And my thoughts about why my desires never seem to be fulfilled. And ultimately, my lack of faith in the whole area of trusting God for providing for me. God is teaching me a few things. It just seems funny to me that He uses a friend and his BMW, a care group that is going through a marriage study, and my wife's commitment to laundry, to teach me about my relationship with Him. My relationship with God lately has been a journey towards gratitude, contentment, and more so - joy. The events of the last 30 minutes have propelled me further along in that journey and I am a more grateful person than I was 30 minutes ago. If anything, I am thankful that there is hope for me to recapture the joy that God promises - to be content and grateful for all that God has provided.

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Follow Up to "Rich"

This is another example of percieved needs vs. actual needs:

I recieved a newsletter today from Leslie Rolling, a friend of mine who lives and serves Jesus in Haiti. She works with Clean Water For Haiti. Her blog is here.

This is what she said in her letter:

One thing that I often encounter when getting ready to return here [Haiti] is that people will ask me if they can send things, like books, toys or clothes to be given away. We have a policy at CWH to not do this because in a culture where people have gotten so dependant on being given things it can greatly affect any kind of relationship you may want to build with them, hindering the work we are trying to do. In fact, the first English phrase that most Haitian children learn is, "Hey blanc, give me a dollar!"

I believe there is a slow shift happening with how people are going to be involved with organizations such as ours. For many years the normal apprach to helping would be to ask, "What things can I give?" With the complications that arise from working in different cultures there is an even greater need to entrust those on the ground with the resources (most often financial) necessary to most effectively work in cultures that they are serving. Having resources available to be used where needed is an empowering thing that will allow missionaries and aide workers to work more efficiently and effectively in accomplishing their goal of getting helpt ot where it is needed most, and that is one of the greatest forms of helping.

She said it better than I ever could. This was my experience in Haiti. We were told as soon as we got there that giving people money or whatever does not help them. It took me a long to understand this.

This is all to say that we need to be careful when we assess a need because as we try to meet it, we may be doing more harm then good.

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Rich

There’s a popular bumper sticker that reads “God Bless America,” but hasn’t America already been blessed? It’s easy for us to fall into a mindset of viewing “our” world as “the” world, because it’s all we generally see. We’re constantly bombarded with images of the latest styles and models of everything, and it can easily leave us feeling like what we have isn’t enough because we see people that have even more than us. But how does what we have compare to what most people in the world have? Maybe what we have is enough; maybe it’s more than enough. Maybe God has blessed us with everything we have so we can bless and give to others.

I wish I could say I wrote that. I didn't. It describes the latest Nooma Video: Rich. But I sure have been thinking about this topic a lot, especially how it relates to Angela and I in ministry.

I am constantly living in the tension of wanting more and wanting less. On the one hand, I really desire things. I would like a new motorcycle, a paraglider, a house of my own. These are the things I think about when I want things. But the reality that I will not make enough money for those things, as long as I am serving in ministry here, weighs heavy. That weight turns to frustration, then to anger, then to bitterness. But not always, cause the other side is that I am acutely aware of all that I do possess. And most of what I own, I have not earned. Most of what I own has been a gift, one way or another. And having seen poverty first hand (I did mission work in Haiti a while back), I realize I am rich. I do have a lot. Maybe too much.

So I waffle. One day, I want and feel I deserve more stuff. Another day, I feel I should sell all that I own and live more simply, doing what I can to help those less fortunate. But that gets me thinking in another direction. Who are the less fortunate anyway? Usually I think less fortunate people are those that have less than me. A more fortunate person would then have more than me. But how can I gage the less/more fortunate on that scale? I have met people who I would call less fortunate, based on this judgement, but have found a richness in them that only thoes tight with Jesus are known to possess. And I have met more fortunate people who have black empty souls. So, who should we really be helping? Who really has the greatest need?

And that gets me going on another topic. People say that if you see a need, you should do what you can to meet it. I think this is wrong for two reasons: 1) how do we really know what a need really is? We look at poor Hatian children with no shoes and say: "man, we must get thoes poor kids some shoes. They need them!" Did it ever occur to us that maybe they don't need them? That, maybe their feet are conditioned to walk their terrain. That just because we need shoes to make it through life, doesn't mean they do. I am not advocating denying Hatians access to footware, I am just challenging us to rethink our idea of our standard of living and challenging us to realize that our standards are not necessarily right. 2) Jesus did not command us to meet every need we see. He didn't meet every need he saw. Yeah, he healed many and performed many miracles, but he didn't heal everyone. A sermon I heard some 6 years ago still rings sharply in my ear. Hadden Robinson said: "Who is your neighbor? Your neighbor is someone with a need you see and are in a position to meet." I think churches get this wrong. They see a million needs and run a million halfassed programs to try to meet all those needs. We can't. We shouldn't. We should be in tune with our Savior to know which needs are there for us to meet and which needs are not for us to meet.

Man, how did I get here? Anyhow, what I really meant for this post to be was a plug for Rob Bell's Nooma video series. They are challenging, thought provoking, interesting, and just right for a new generation of evangelicals. Check them out. If you don't want to buy them, you can see some of them on youtube or google video. Just do a search for Nooma. I look forward to seeing this latest video called "Rich".

And about all that I just said, I am not looking for excuses to not be a servant, to not meet needs, and to justify my worldly wealth. Ok, maybe I am, but I know they are not excuses for that and God challenges me daily in all these areas. Sometimes I do well, I think, and other times I am left wanting. I don't want to be left wanting.

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