My friend has a Beemer

Yeah, that's right. One of my friends owns a BMW. I just found out today. (I am using the word friend here a little loosely - the 'friend' in question recently moved to our area, started attending our church, comes to our home group, and we are getting to know each other.) Until tonight, I have only seen my friend and his wife in their Suburban - a beautiful new 'suburban' Suburban.

I knew they had some cash, having just sold their house in downtown Vancouver but I didn't think they had that much.

So, Angela and I leave to go home after our care group meeting and parked behind me is this beautiful, black shiny BMW. I didn't take a closer look at it because I didn't want to make it obvious that I was gawking but it was definitely worth a bit of coin (and yes it was theirs and I was not mistaken - we were on an acreage and I know what everyone else drives).

I do admit that a severe jealousy has come over me. And that is one reason for this post. I really quite ashamed that I even care that much about what someone drives. I am ashamed that I want a car such as theirs. I am ashamed that I have judged them based on their vehicle choice.

It's now been maybe 20 minutes since this all came to light to me and I am amused at the context in which this falls: our group just started a little series on Marriage by Andy Stanley and tonight he talked about the transition that happens in marriage when our desires become our expectations. Like when a couple is engaged and they have dreams of what their life will be together - their desires. And then, sometime into their marriage, those desires may become expectations. "So dear, doing the laundry is your job cause that is what the wife does" or "when are we going to put a down payment on a house because you sir promised you would provide for our family." And Andy was saying that when we live with expectations and don't put them back in the "desire" category, the marriage relationship erodes. As I was listening, I was thinking about my relationship with Angela, sure, but I was also thinking about my discontent with my "faith." I realized tonight that I expect quite a bit from God. I realize that I have been saying to God: "OK, so I am serving you. I am in ministry. You owe me one, God. You owe me blessings. You owe me a decent salary. You owe me a reliable car. You owe me more than this." Well, I haven't really said all that stuff outright but that is basically how a have become to feel about my relationship with God. And that is probably why I have become bitter with God. I am angry that he hasn't followed through on his end of the bargain.

Andy Stanley says that one way you can find out what your unknown expectations are taking not of what you don't thank your spouse for. For example: Angela does all our laundry. We haven't really talked about who's job it is. She just does it. And she seems to not mind. The problem lies in the fact that I rarely, if ever, thank her for it. I only seem to mention something about it when I am low on socks or something. And according to Andy, this is because I expect her to do the laundry. And he's right. One day I may have desired for my wife to do our laundry but somewhere along the way, it changed to an expectation. This is not good. If I could get it back to a desire, I would have gratitude that Angela is doing our laundry and in tern might be more likely to do the laundry out of love for me. She would be doing it to fulfill my desire, not live up to expectations. If she is always trying to live up to expectations, then she may get tired of it, get bitter, angry and she could perhaps quit it all together but one thing is sure: it would become an issue of contention. And not realize that it is my expectation that started it in the first place, I wouldn't understand what the problem was. You get what I'm saying?

And I do the same thing with God. I have desires, but I've somehow, for some reason, turned them into expectations. The Bible talks a lot about God wanting to give us our desires but says very little about living up to our expectations.

And after we watched the talk about this, of course Andy says we are going to learn how to move expectations back to desires in the coming weeks. We all wanted to find out how right away. Oh well, it gave us lots to think about as couples.

But this was the context of my thoughts surrounding my friend and his Beemer. And my thoughts about why God hasn't blessed me like I expected him too. And my thoughts about why my desires never seem to be fulfilled. And ultimately, my lack of faith in the whole area of trusting God for providing for me. God is teaching me a few things. It just seems funny to me that He uses a friend and his BMW, a care group that is going through a marriage study, and my wife's commitment to laundry, to teach me about my relationship with Him. My relationship with God lately has been a journey towards gratitude, contentment, and more so - joy. The events of the last 30 minutes have propelled me further along in that journey and I am a more grateful person than I was 30 minutes ago. If anything, I am thankful that there is hope for me to recapture the joy that God promises - to be content and grateful for all that God has provided.