He's got me pegged

I'm reading The Genesee Diary: Report from a Trappist Monastery by Henri Nouwen. It's his diary of his seven months spent at the monastery. I'm blown away at how much I parallel his thinking, feeling and experiences. Here are some statements he makes and questions he asks (we'll the ones I resonate with, anyway):

"What was turning my vocation to be a witness to God's love into a tiring job?" p. 13.

"Maybe I was slowly becoming a prisoner of people's expectations instead of a man liberated by divine promises." p. 13.

"While complaining about too many demands, I felt uneasy when none were made." p. 14.

"Is there still a point where my life is anchored and from which I can reach out with hope and courage and confidence?" p. 14.

"Why do I always want to read about the spiritual life and not really live it?" p. 27.

"I think that most of my fatigue is related not to the type of work I do but to the fragile tensions I put into it." p. 37.

"The more my mind broods, the farther away from God and neighbor I move." p. 47.

". . . right under the threshold of my "bravery," there is a tremendous insecurity and self-doubt that is easily triggered and laid bare by a small event." p. 52.

So, I've kinda been living within a shadow in the last couple of months. Through conversations and even Nouwen's book, I have been encourage to find the shadow's edge and step into the light. I'm working on it . . .