Another Update

So here is another one: I haven't blogged in a while so I feel the need to write an update to release the weight of all that I have not written, bringing the freedom to write again. This time, I'll start with right now and work my way back in time. . .

- Today is Halloween. We carved our first pumpkin. Went trick or treating for the first time as a family (and for the first time in my life). Mackenzie was a bee. Lukas was a puppy. Very very cute!
- Yesterday was a board meeting focused on my future (hopefully I will get to writing about this specifically).
- Monday October 29 - I drove to Oroville WA to pick up a part for my Honda Accord. It still isn't fixed.
- Sunday October 28 - Angela and I met with the organizers of a missions trip to Guatemala. We are leading the team into the field in March. All four of us are going. This is pretty significant for us, as you can imagine.
- Saturday October 27 - We attended our first ever, in our lives, Halloween party.
- Monday October 22 - We were visited by Marc & Dixie Vandersluys. Marc is a childhood friend that I connected with through blogging (and I blogged about it a loooong time ago)
- Sunday October 21 - We finished (formed). (formed) is the name for a junior high youth retreat that I was a part of planning and putting on. It started on Friday for the kids but months ago for me. This is a post or two in itself. At this point, I'll just link to the video I shot, edited and posted to youtube which is a highlight of the weekend.
- Saturday October 13 - Console Gaming Day at the church. I wanted to blog about this and whether or not Halo 3 and such video games should be a tool youth pastors use in ministry.
- Thursday October 11 - Left for a three day trucking trip that I didn't want to go on. I hate being away from my family. My boss broke his nose, I agreed to help him out, and heck, the pay is good.
- Monday October 8 - Thanksgiving day. My parents came over and we ate turkey, surprise. A good meal is always worth writing about.

That brings me to my last post. There were significant happenings that took place before my last post that I didn't write about. Most notably, we bought a new car. A 2007 Honda Civic LX. We are very pleased with our new wheels. So far, averaging 38 Mpg while topping out at 42 Mpg. I am expecting it to increase.

So right now, I am just pleased that I came up with a post. A good blogger will also add pictures. That is asking too much of me right now. I think Angela has been keeping up on her blog. You can check there for pics.

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God gave me a hug today

I had a hard time in this morning's service. Perhaps it didn't help that since I awoke, I was plagued with "what's the point of all this anyway" thoughts about my role as pastor and worship leader in our church. My senior pastor asked me on Thursday that Chris Rice's song: "Untitled Hymn (Come To Jesus)" would be an appropriate song to close our Sunday service with. Because I knew where he was going with the sermon, I agreed. As soon as I did though, a battle began.



If you know this song, you know it is a good, powerful song. Chris' choice of instrumentation and arrangement help make this song what it is. His choice of instruments are none that can be found in our congregation, however. My options? Sound track - absolutely not. Learn the song on piano - maybe but I can kiss my weekend good-bye. Play it on guitar - I guess so because all the other options are worse.

I don't do solos very often and I don't like to finger-pick in public, and I certainly don't do solos while finger-picking my guitar. I don't know if I could really convey how stressful this is for me but I soldiered on and spent time with the song over Friday and Saturday.

To add to this weight, there's this lady in our church who is a professional singer. She is a vocal teacher and a performer. She is amazing! She has a good deal of fame around here. I teach her son guitar and she coaches me vocally in trade. I definitely have the better end of the deal by a long shot but I really enjoy playing and hanging out with her son. This lady is Angela's very close friend too. And she performed this exact song in our service about a year ago with a piano player and a violist, if my memory serves. A moving performance. Lot of tears. And I knew she was going to be in the service.

Now, I know it's not about pleasing people and being amazing, but I am being transparent here. These are some of the things that I battle through leading up to the very moment I play the first note and all throughout a song.

To my standards (I am a perfectionist, remember), I really disappointed myself with how I sang and played the song. Yeah, I know that this is not the point but I gotta give you the back story. . .

I didn't really look at people while singing and afterwards, I just looked down so I have no idea what it did or what it meant for people.

My senior pastor came up to close and pray and I actually schemed that if I could sneak out the side exit without talking to someone, I would race home and hope no one would notice. I even justified that I've never done something like this before and I must be allowed to sneak out every once in a while.

As I was thinking this and with the prayer now over, the mom of one of my friends races to me, on the stage, and says "I sense you need a hug." She gave me a long squeeze, looked at me with tears in her eyes and said again, "I felt you needed a hug." As quickly as she came, she turned and left. That was it.

God gave me a hug today.

I stuck around. It was good. I was encouraged by others and I think I was able to encourage others too.

My mind, heart and soul want to construe the happenings of the last couple of days surrounding this song in a hundred different ways. But all I can come back to is that God gave me what I needed today - a hug.

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