Goodness in remembering

Ok, so now I am thinking more about death, heaven, hell, and the soul. I was starting to think that I have never really grieved. I have never felt death that close. But then again I wonder.

The first funeral I remember was the funeral for my great grandfather - my dad's grandpa. I think we sang "Mansions Will Glisten on the Streets of Glory" at the funeral, my dad on his guitar, my sister singing, and me on the violin (note: no reference to fiddle - read the the book mentioned in the previous post). But I never new my great grandfather. No real sense of loss.

The next taste of death, and I may be messing up the orders of these chronologically, was the passing of Dr. Dave Hildebrand and his wife. Dr. Dave inspired me. He was our orchestra conductor. He encouraged me to do "special numbers" while he played the piano as my backup. He taught me how to play rook. And it is his leadership style, I think, that I mostly closely mirror more than anyone else: a tremendous musician with the gift and skill to inspire amateurs to learn to play together and make beautiful worship. His sudden death was a shock, to put it mildly. I was in grade 11 I think. John, their son, was on our football team, and I knew Tim as a college kid I looked up to. Dr. Dave was buried in the cemetery at the end of our street. I grieved, but not too deeply, I don't think. I try to honor him, in how I work with people in music and I do think about him from time to time, especially when I feel like complaining about my situation or when the music I am involved with is sucking. Mainly because I never EVER heard him complain once and if anyone had reason to, it was him. Incidentally, I received the scholarship in his name every year I was in Bible College. I am very grateful.

I think it was my grandma who passed away next. I think it was my freshman year in college. I think this because my grandma came to live with my parents and I don't remember a lot about when she was there. I think I was in the dorm. I think I wanted to avoid the situation, probably because it made me uncomfortable. My grandma was sick and my mom was taking care of her in her last days. My mom was the one that carried the whole weight of that. I am sorry that I stayed so distant in that time. My only memory of that time after was of the viewing. We were there with my mom's family and the funeral director left us there with my grandma for an awful long time. We cried and grieved, like we thought we should. But that didn't take long. Awkward silence followed. Then snickers. And before long, we in stitches, for no particular reason. Probably because of the awkwardness of it.

Then there was Josh. He was my best friend while my family lived in northern Manitoba. After we moved, we kept in touch. We wrote letters and sent tapes of our song ideas - he was an amazing musician. But then, the letters and tapes traversed our provinces less frequently. I went back to visit him once. Then, we just lost touch. There was thread of connection through his parents friendship with my parents and his sister's friendship with my sister. That was about it. And it was through those thin connections that I got word he was struggling with schizophrenia. Like the "good" friend I was, I didn't do anything to contact him. Nothing. A heavy regret I carry to this day. And it was through those thin connections that I heard he had passed away.

We went to the funeral in Winkler MB, Angela, my parents and I. There were so many people I watched it all from a tent outside. I sobbed like a baby. And sadly it wasn't tears for him, it was my guilt and shame for not reconnecting with him. It was the "only ifs" that stung. But, as little as I know about grieving, I think that may be part of the package cause I think I've hit different stages in the process at various times. Now, if I cry, it is because a mother and father lost a son, a brother and two sisters lost a brother, I have lost a friend and this world has lost a magnificent man.

I have heard a bit of his God journey near the end of his life. He lived for God but it was a struggle. . .

(A pause. I am just sitting here, remembering)

So that is really the extent of my close brushes with death. I am not sure why I wrote that all, but you may be surprised to know that there is happiness for me in writing this. It has been good remembering. It has been good for my soul.

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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die

I just finished reading Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven But Nobody Wants To Die or the eschatology of bluegrass by David Crowder and Mike Hogan. In fact, I finished it within three minutes of writing this sentence and the one previous - all this to say, the following thoughts will be my gut reaction.


Well first of all, I don't contemplate dying, the soul, heaven or hell much. I think about it occasionally, in different forms but I don't contemplate it. Which surprises me cause death has brushed my family and friends, I co-lead a church that "should" be concerned with the state of man's soul, I have conducted a few funerals and have committed the dead to the dust of the earth (graveside service).

When I think about "how I think about" death, it usually is in the context of: "God, it would suck if Angela died" or "what would I do if one of my boyz died" or "what would life be like for Angela if I died" and then I don't want to think about those things anymore. But then I do, but the thoughts are usually accompanied by an ache and I think the ache is my understanding that death is a reality. The ache is that knowledge that I really don't know how long Angela, the boyz or I will continue to draw breath. That I am not in control of that and at it could be at any time I may loose someone. The ache is also the realization that I don't deserve life (this may need some explanation but for now, I am talking about the sin-state of man) and though I am thankful for it, it can be taken. And what this all boils down to then, is the fear of what comes next.

You see, the Bible is not really clear as to what comes next. That's what these two guys want us to know: that no one really knows what the soul is, and what happens to it after we die. Yeah, we have our theories: we don't really have a soul; that we have a soul but it dies when the body dies; when you die, your soul goes to sleep, that when the body dies, the soul leaves the body and resides in the presence of God; that the soul leaves and spends some time in purgatory (place where the soul cleanses itself before final judgement; and more theories I don't care to explain (p. 172-176).

Honestly, I don't know why I shared that in particular. I think what I was trying to get to is that Christians have spent little time thinking about such things and as a result, we paint for ourselves a misguided picture of heaven:

- It will be better
- There will be no problems
- There will be no sickness
- It will be peaceful
- We will be in the presence of God and/or Christ
- The cripple will be healed
- We will see friends and family that have died before us
- We will be eternal
- There will be humor
- People in heaven will be recognizable as they were in life
- There will be Angels

p. 176

The authors point out that very little of this is actually in scripture.

Now that I typed that, I can't remember why I brought that up.

Ok, so I guess the point of the book, without giving it away is that we do have a soul, we will all feel the weight of death, we all will die, but because of the death of the human son of God, WE WIN! Death has no victory!

There is more to it than that of course. . . They talk a lat about bluegrass . . .
It may be interesting to note that David Crowder released their album A Collision, which is all about the struggle with death, long before they thought of writing this book. In fact, the death of Kyle Lake came shortly after the release of the album and it is his death (close friend of David and Mike) which had a huge influence in writing the book. And it was Kyle Lake who was instrumental in seeing the A Collision album released before he died.

If you haven't checked out the album, you should. It is weird - a fantastic piece of art in my opinion. And now I understand and appreciate that album so much more after reading the book.

And like the album, the book is weird too. It has insecure humor, weird stories, IM conversations, illustrations, and lots of footnotes. If you are an academic, probably not the book for you (they reference Wikipedia quite a lot).

So those are my gut reactions. Perhaps I will write more as I ponder more.

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Theological leanings

I took this test today, inspired by Marc.

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 71% Emergent/Postmodern 61% Fundamentalist 50% Charismatic/Pentecostal 46% Neo orthodox 43% Roman Catholic 39% Modern Liberal 39% Reformed Evangelical 32% Classical Liberal 29% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

I am not totally sure how to respond. This is the first time I took this test. Perhaps in time, I will take it again to see how I change, or rather, my theology changes.

I thought it was interesting that I scored as high as I did in the "Fundamentalist" category. I'm not sure that that means. My excuse is that fundamentalism is not all bad.

I think being in the C&MA (Christian & Missionary Alliance) has had quite the influence in me, especially in the Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan area.

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I see, said the blind man to the deaf lady . . .

With the holiday season upon us, I've had more time to do nothing. And what does a guy do when he has nothing to do? Of course, he watches TV.

So, I have watched some pretty random shows lately. So random, I can't remember what they were called, but what I found interesting about a number of them is that they like to do this narration thing. - that in between dialogue, a voice explaines what is going on. It is actually what kept me watching. Not because it enhanced the story but quite the opposite. It's oddness just kept me glued.

Well, I turned to a random show tonight and it too had this narration thing going on. I had some sort of thought like "not another one! How many shows like this can the viewing public handle?" Then another thought struck me: "maybe this is not really for the viewing public. Maybe this is some sort of feature for the visually impaired." But surely, technology had not advanced this far had it?

I decided to play with the audio settings on my TV. Right away I noticed they were set to "SAP". I have never known what SAP means but I have always been curious. In the past I settled for the "Stereo" setting beacuse I understood that and "mono" is boring. Well, you guessed it, when I set my audio back to stereo, the voice disappeared! Amazing. I actually thought these shows were starting a new trend and that I was at the forefront.

But I wonder, how does a visually impaired person go about changing the settings on their TV? I have the pleasure of good eyesight and even I didn't notice the settings were changed.

Point of the story: if you are ever bored and are watching a dull show on TV, turn your audio to "SAP" and close your eyes to really experience the show. It will come alive! No not really, but I bet you are tempted to try it, aren't you?

And hey, I'll save you some time: wikipedia says that SAP means Second Audio Program. Who? was to know they could broadcast more than one audio signal?

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Apology?

So I feel that I must apologize. But why should I, this is my blog. Yeah, that's right - something in me feels apologetic about not posting for many days. But something else in feels that I shouldn't care. So which something should I listen to? I guess if I quit writing, people will stop coming by, so for that reason I should be more prudent.

And I guess this would be the paragraph where I write all my excuses for not blogging, but frankly, I am feeling too lazy to write any right now.

And this would be the paragraph where I tell you what has been going on in our lives but I'm not in the mood. I have actually been really tired of the internet and all that comes with it. I have been neglecting my email inbox(es) and only really hitting Google when I absolutely have to. I don't really know why that is, but sitting in front of a monitor doesn't appeal to me these days.

So now I have a week of almost nothing. My only responsibilities are those that come with having a family and making sure the Sunday Service happens next Sunday. All the other stuff is for fun. What I am saying is is that I imagine I'll have a lot of time to read, think and write and if that is the case, this blog will be a little more active.

Merry Christmas. I hope these days are filled with curiosity, awe and wonder . . .

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When Christmas falls on Sunday

Ok, so I know it is a year late, but I just came across this blog by Scot McKnight on the issue of whether to cancel the Christmas day service (2005). Many churches did and many Christians didn't like it. I read this blog cause Rick and I were considering not having a Sunday Service at all this Christmas Eve. The board didn't go for it and that's fine, but I hope they at least thought about it. If you are interested in this kinda topic, read the full post here. But click "read more" under here to see a few excerpts from it.

Here’s a fact consider: evidently, God thought a bundle of days were so important for the Jewish calendar that he gave laws both on the necessity of their annual celebration and he told them just how to celebrate that day. And Israel did just that.

Here’s something else to think about: evidently the same God didn’t think the same of Christmas, for there are no legislations about keeping but one “holiday”: the Lord’s supper. . . .

Does the NT teach a Sunday morning worship service? Well, the evidence isn’t what some are making it out to be. We need to be fair here: there is a distinction between what is taught and what is mentioned or hinted at as something practiced. And there is no clear text legislating that Christians are to meet for worship on a Sunday morning.

And it ought to be observed that there is, whether some will admit it or not, no clear connection between Christian worship on a Sunday and the Sabbath. The Sabbath is a day of “rest” while the Sunday was a time of “worship.” (See here A.G. Shead, New Dict. of Bibl. Theol, 749-50.) Not one shred of evidence here. In fact, the Apostle Paul says in Col 2:16 that one’s judgment about Sabbaths ought to be kept to oneself – or at least it ought not to be used as an instrument of judgment. (I have a hard time, and you probably do too, thinking Paul is letting ordinary Christians render judgment about when they were to “attend worship.”)

... let me poke some in the eye here: what I’m reading is that there is too much identification of “worship” with Sunday morning and too much identification of “being the church” with “attending a Sunday morning service.” I find this pretty surprising in that so many are making the case, pretty solidly I think, that “church” is not something done on Sunday mornings but something we “are” and “are all through the week” – climaxing at the Lord’s table and in Sunday worship. . . .

. . . another issue involved for many churches: the performance nature of the Christmas Eve service is so intense that there is nothing left for another service. Again, you might fight hard against the “performance” level and concentration (cantata, musical, theatricals, whatever), but argue that that and not that churches have lost their soul if they cancel Christmas Sunday services.

Does that wet your whistle? Go to http://www.jesuscreed.org/?p=601 to reat the whole blog. Good stuff. . .

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In particular

I work with young people. If you do too, or have kids, or have friends who have kids, you may find this interesting. I am quoting from an article in a online magazine that I pay for called "Engage." It is the journal of youth culture put together by the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU). The article is called "In Particular" and is written by the CPYU president, Walt Mueller. In the article he lists and explains "10 surprising things you need to know about youth culture." Here is his list:

1. Advertising is a powerful shaper of kids.
2. Everything's happening at younger and younger ages.
3. They are engaging new media in new ways.
4. Family violence is rampant.
5. The nature of peer pressure has changed.
6. Materialism is a desirable lifestyle.
7. Oral sex is big.
8. Far too many kids depressed.
9. There's little difference between churched and un-churched kids.
10. In the midst of all this, children and teens are increasingly becoming more and more aware of their deep hunger for something more.

It is for reason 10 that I work with young people. It is for reason 10 that I have no trouble bringing up my boys in this world. But those first 9 sure shape kids now adays.

This article made me think about my middle-school kids and why they frustrate me so much. But I do have a lot of hope for them.

Each of these "surprising things" were discussed in the article, but this gives you a outline as to what shapes our kids. If you are interested in reading the whole article, let me know. I know I can get permission to distribute it.

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Women in Ministry

I'm doing some good reading this morning on Women in Ministry. I started with this blog post by Scott McKnight on 1 Timothy 2:8-15.

That led me to a paper writting by Dr. Franklin Pyles on the same text. Go here for that one.

Here is his conclusion:

Therefore, the passage does not forbid women being involved in the leadership of the church, nor does it forbid their teaching men the Word of God. Women should be allowed, on the basis of the New Testament, to be fully active in every part, and at every level of ministry, as were their first century counterparts. I conclude in concurrence with A. B. Simpson who wrote in reply to someone who complained about women preaching and teaching in the early Alliance that the issue was not that women taught, but what they taught. As long as they taught the truth, there is no reason to hinder them.

This is timely because our church leadership (all guys) has been working through this issue - or rather the issue of women as elders. I love my church and it's leadership but this is one issue I am at odds with them. I believe women can be in leadership and it is unfortunate that our church doesn't allow it - we have some gifted women that are not allowed to use their gifts. I think we all loose out when we get in the way of God.

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Hiatus

There are a number of reasons I have not posted anything here for the last 11 days. In case you don't know, you can click "Read more" underneath this line to read the rest of the story . . .

Let me walk you through what was:

Saturday, December 2
- Laura's Birthday breakfast at our house.
- Mammoth church board meeting. 8 hours, Pizza included
- Visit from an old friend, Marc. A refreshing visit. He was the first friend I ever had a memory of. We lost touch over the years but somehow, through blogging mostly, we have reconnected.
Sunday, December 3
- Church and all that comes with it
- Left Mackenzie with my parents
- Drove to Okanagan falls to meet up with friends - Halls and Moores
- We rented a huge condo for two nights to hang out and relax
- We watched a talk by Andy Stanely called "Cheating the church. Simply amazing. It's blogable but only if I can fit in the time.
- Spent our first night away from Mackenzie since Lukas was born
Monday, December 4
- More hanging out and relaxing
- Went to the hospital to visit Benj & Theressa and their new baby boy
- Watched a Wayne Cordero talk - another good one. Compliments Andy Stanely's
Tuesday, December 5
- More relaxing and hanging out
- Headed home to see pickup Mackenzie
- Did the worship thing at AWANA
- The retreat was sweet in the sense that we got to hang out with friends and spend some good
focused time with Lukas.
Wednesday, December 6
- Left at 6am in the Kenworth headed for Nisku (just south of Edmonton)
- Had on a 60' drilling apparatus. I think they called it a jib crane.
- Roads were ok through the mountains.
- Arrived on time but they weren't ready to unload me. Took about 4 hours.
- Got going again and ended up driving until 1:30am the next morning
Thursday, December 7
- Hit the road at 6am and headed to Brooks, AB
- Loaded up big round bales - 52, 000 lbs worth!
- Round bales are wide. 10 feet wide!
- Started for home with my over sized load and jittery nerves
- Made it to Kelowna by 11:30pm that night
Friday, December 8
- Headed up toward Big White Ski Resort at 7am
- The tractor unloaded me by pushing the bales off the other side - different.
- Hot home at 10:30am
- Hung out with my family till lunch
- Setup for our church's Christmas party all afternoon and into the evening
- Got insulted by our guest musician/singer
- Ate my turkey dinner with a sour taste in my mouth
- Led the party in some rousing Christmas Carols
- Crashed on the couch with Angela later that evening
Saturday, December 9
- Decided to "cheat the church" and skip men's breakfast to hang out with my family. I had seen
Mackenzie for a total of 4 hours in the past 6 days.
- Terry Switzer Trucking Party. We went to the Gausthous (or something German like that) in
Westbank
- I double my intake of escargot this year - I had two
- I had an amazing brie covered steak
- I'm glad I still drive truck for the very reason that I can go to a Christmas party still
Sunday, December 10
- Church and all that it contains including video and sound difficulties. A difficult morning that
way but a good morning none the less.
- Our first night at home in over a week that we could relax - just the two of us. Sweetness.
Monday, December 11
- Hung out at home with my family - it is my day off after all
- We picked out an cut down a Christmas tree.
- This is Mackenzie watching his dad cut down the tree

- Put the tree in the house.
- Another relaxing evening at home
Tuesday, December 12
- Laptop surgery day
- Took me most the morning to get the mobo out. One pesky screw was holding me up.
- Had the new power plug in, laptop working and all in one piece by 3:30pm
- Played Xbox with my junior high Xbox crew
- Sung the "Christingole" song at AWANA (last night of AWANA this year!!)
- Quartet practice after AWANA
- Angela picked up slurpees that we drank till we went to bed
Wednesday, December 13
- Mackenzie jumped into bed at 7:15am. I put on "Cars" and started blogging . . .

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Bated Breath

Our lives changed in October: Robby handed us his roomate's DVD set of Lost: Season 1. . .

Since that fateful day, we have ceased watching anything else on TV altogether. We were hooked from the very first epoisode. It took us a couple of weeks to finish the first season. We would watch an episode here and there when we could fit it in after the kids went to bed. Just before we finished the first season, my friend Steve gave us season two. That carried us through to the middle of November. Then, when season two was over, I "aquired" the released episodes from season three. After two months of this obsession, we have caught up to the rest of the world. We are now waiting for Episode 7 of season 3 with bated breath . . .

And, because we watched Lost and nothing else, I got behind on some of the other shows I had been following. I caught up to the rest of the world with Prison Break yesterday. That's a sweet show. Now I wait with bated breath for the next episode.

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Dirty Rotter

I found you, you little . . .

The culprit is a broken power connector (see previous post). Now all I gotta do is order a new one on ebay, remove the old one and solder in the new one.

I told you that the last fall was not the last straw!

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The last straw? NEVER!

So my laptop fell on the floor again. Maybe for the last time. Shortly after this incident, I found that my laptop had shut off - the power surge/shorting out kinda shut off. After a reboot, I saw that my power module wasn't supplying power to the laptop. I wasn't surprised - I've had to rewire it twice due to excessive use. I tore it apart and tried a more permanent fix which involved a lot of solder. When I plugged it into the laptop, it whistled in a way I cannot explain. I thought I may have soldered it wrong. Feeling beat, I started pricing out a new power supply. Before I commiting to buying one, I had to make sure it was the power supply. After fiddling, I almost admitted defeat. I powered up my laptop with the intention of aimlessly surfing the net while wondering what one does when he knows he only has a half hour of battery life left before it dies and he has to wait a week before a new power supply arrives. Only, the laptop shorted out, this time before my very eyes. After a few cycles of this, I deducted that the short is related to internal parts surrounding the thingy (good technical term) where the power supply plugs into my laptop. I proceeded to take things apart, only I didn't get very far cause I didn't know what I was doing.

So, the point of this post is that I have found a manual that tells me how to take my laptop apart and tonight, after the boys are in bed, I am going to do surgery. I am even thinking I may take a few pictures to document this feat, or defeat . . .

So, see ya on the other side.

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Is this how it is supposed to work?

I thought the parents were supposed to read the book and then follow the steps to potty train their kids.

Let me tell you the way it has been working for us, since we have not yet read the book or really begun to train Mackenzie to use his potty: Mackenzie knows what the "potty book" is. About 10 minutes ago, he grabbed it off the shelf to look at the pictures. He then proceeded to make his way to the bathroom, remove his pants and diaper, sit down, continue reading the book and dribble a little. Yeah, all on his own. The hilarious part is that he grabs the potty training book to take with him to the bathroom. This is not the first time.

We are thinking we will leave him be and hopefully he will completely train himself, only, I don't think there are any pictures in there that show him how to wipe his bum. Guess you can't have it all.

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Application

Where did this idea of Application come from? Where did we get the idea that we must "apply, apply, apply" the scriptures. I was having an intense conversation with someone over the beattudes, again, and this person was constantly saying: "but I gotta know how to apply it." He was taking each verse, such as "Blessed are the merciful for they will be shown mercy" and insisting that he needed to know how to apply it to his life.

Now I am not saying making applications are wrong but must we always read scripture with intention that we must apply what we read to our lives right now? The trouble for me is that I am still wrestling with the beattitudes. I feel that Jesus was stating a fact in this "sermon" rather than imploring that everone needs to be these things or else, know what I mean?"

So it is not that I am looking for an excuse to not be merciful, I definitely want to be that, but what I want to know is where did we get the idea that we must "apply" everything? Where did that notion come from? Who influenced our thinking this way?

Perhaps you may point to 2 Timothy 3:16 which says: "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking,correcting and training in righteousness" and say that is why we must apply it. Ok. But must we make applications with such vigor?

I am just tired of having to respond by doing something all the time. I am weary of it. What I really want is for God to speak through the scriptures to tell me who I am. To tell me how much he loves me and values me. I don't get this when I read for application. I usually feel guilty that I don't measure up or could ever measure up. I seem to always read scripture through the lens of "so what should I do now?" And when I do that, I am overwhelmed with the weight of having to do something - usually something I can't do, by myself at least, or without the Holy Spirit, which is what I have end up trying to do.

* * *

So I think this tension in me - applying scripture vs. just listening to scripture - is a result of me being in the crossover between our modern and post-modern generations. The modern part of me tells me that I must measure up to a standard and do, do, do while the post-modern part of me wants to rebell agains that complusion. And for no particular reason that I can tell, other than I want to rebell. Or maybe it i wrong.

And where does this all bring me? No idea. If you've been confused by what you just read, I am more confused than you.

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Quotes

2 sweet quotes I never want to forget:

"He is the God of deal with it now. Why? Simple. Because later is about me, and now is about everyone else." The Last Next Best. Mark Steele. Relevant Megazine. Nov/Dec 06 p. 56.

The bold is what I want to remember. There is a lot contained in that phrase. This speaks directly to my "always lookin to the future" complex.

The other quote I heard last night on that extreme homemakeover show. It's that one with Ty, I think his name is. The one where they basically build a house for well deserving family. The dad that died of cancer from yesterday's show was known to say "Lots to think about. Nothin to worry about."

Maybe I should add another quote, from scripture. It's one that I think is most often misunderstood. I'll throw it on the pile:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7 (NIV).

So you tell me, what is the common thread in these three quotes?

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The Holiday

The photos of our holiday can be found here.

This is what happened (I'm gunna make this quick cause I don't have much time):

We flew into Regina Monday night. Got to the farm pretty late. The boys travelled fairly well. I always enjoy a good plane ride.

We hung low at the farm for a couple of days. Mackenzie loves his grandma and grandpa, his uncle Richard, and everything on the farm.

We visited my sister's family in Shamrock. Those are her two oldest boys on the combine tire, Curtis and Stephen. Yes, Mackenzie got a combine ride and his dad got to drive.

We played a lot there. It was fun. I saw Stephen's very first hockey game, ever. He did well. I predict a 1st round draft pick soon . . .

Back to the farm.

More hanging low - we like that.

I hung out with my friend Shawn Hiebert for a day in Swift Current (no relation). That lifted my spirits. I was feeling pretty discouraged until then - I don't know how to relax and get my mind off of work . . .

Kristin Clark drove up from Saskatoon after that. She spent 2 days at the farm I think. It was great to see her again.

I was able to haul some hay bales via. semi truck for Angela's dad. I was happy to be able to contribute to the farm.

Angela got sick.

Then the boys got sick.

Then I got sick.

It could have been that we didn't get one full night's sleep throughout the whole holiday, or not, but I'd like to blame it on that.

That's right. No sleep, or very little at least.

I helped Richard finish Star Wars: Jedi Knight/Jedi Outcast or whatever it was called. We also managed to do some old school LAN gaming. That's always a blast.

We watched some movies.

We played with the kids.

We drank a lot of coffee.

We had waffles - twice!

We ate a turkey dinner.

Those are the highlights, I guess.

I didn't read much. I was disappointed in myself for that.

I was hoping to blog - dial up and the fact that I wasn't in the mood kept me from it.

There ya go. Check out the pictures. And this is a reminder that you can always find our photos near the top of the page on the right. "Sets" are basically photo albums and "tags" are sections or grouped pages of photos in the photo albums. For example: "Nov 06 Holiday" photos are found in the "Family" set. If you want to look at all the photos in our "Family" photo album, click on the set.

So yeah. That's our holiday summed up.

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Just when you think things are going well . . .

Just when we thought things were going well . . . we get slammed with a $256 phone bill!!!!

Yeah, it turns out that Collect Calls from the US to BC are over $3 a minute!!! Who knew?

A few weeks ago, you may remember that I was in Spokane Washington for a Promise Keepers conference. One reason I know I don't really have to go to these conferences is because I love my wife. A lot. And because I love her, I need to talk to her. And because I loved her that week end, I called her that weekend. Four times as a matter of fact. Two times for 7 minutes each. That was not too bad cause I only got charged $22.60 for each 7 minute call. One night I talked with Angela for 27 minutes. K, I understand that the longer you talk, the more money it costs but does it have to cost $57.50? Need more proof that I love my wife? I submit to you the fourth piece of evidence: a 37 minute call totalling $75.60!!!!

I should have used my cell phone. Last year we only got dinged $70. I thought making a collect land line call would be cheaper. Boy was I wrong!

Moral of the story: Don't eat chicken noodle soup with a fork. . . . . in Spokane while talking on the phone with your wife - it's a waste of time AND money trying to spear those little buggers!

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It begins at Creation

One of the best things I have read in a long time:

... Perhaps the most common imbalance in American evangelicalism is to overemphasize the Fall. Consider the typical evangelistic message: "You're a sinner; you need to be saved." What could be wrong with that? Of course, it's true that we are sinners, but notice that the message starts with the Fall instead of Creation. By beginning with the theme of sin, it implies that our essential identity consists in being guilty sinners, deserving of divine punishment. Some Christian literature goes so far as to say we are nothing, completely worthless, before a holy God.
This excessively negative view is not biblical, however, and it lays Christianity open to the charge that it has a low view of human dignity. The Bible does not begin with the Fall but with Creation: Our value and dignity are rooted in the fact that we are created in the image of God, with the high calling of being His representatives on earth. In fact, it is only because humans have such high value that sin is so tragic. If we were worthless to begin with, then the Fall would be a trivial event. When a cheap trinket is broken, we toss it aside with a shrug. But when a priceless masterpiece is defaced, we are horrified. It is because humans are the masterpiece of God's creation that the destructiveness of sin produces such horror and sorrow. Far from expressing a low view of human nature, the Bible actually gives a far higher view than the dominant secular view today, which regards humans as simply complex computers made of meat-products of blind, naturalistic forces, without transcendent purpose or meaning.
If we start with the message of sin, without giving the context of Creation, then we will come across to nonbelievers as merely negative and judgmental. After and extended trip through Africa (described in Dark Star Safari), the writer Paul Theroux said one of the saddest moments in his journey was "hearing a young woman [missionary] tell me that she was heading for Mozambique and adding, 'They're all sinners, you know.'" Theroux concluded that missionaries only make people "despise themselves."* We need to begin our message where the Bible begins-with the dignity and high calling of all human beings because they are created in the image of God.

Nancy Pearcey Total Truth: Liberating Christianity From Its Cultural Captivity. pg. 87-88.

*Paul Theroux, interview by Susan Olasky, "Agents of Virtue," World, March 15, 2003.

For some reason, I have lately taken an interest in the study of worldviews and how they develop, particularly the North American Christian worldview. I think it is because I have become to realize how out of whack mine is. Or maybe it is because I think most other Christian's worldview is out of whack and I am resisting becoming one of them. Either way, I know I am going to be challenged and stretch. I think it is up to me how far I'll allow myself to go and that scares me because even though I like the idea of changing, I don't know how far I will allow myself to go.

Anyhow, this quote is one example how Christians have wrongly have viewed humanity and sin through a distorted lens.

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Question:

Are the "Beatitudes" found in Matthew 5 limited to Christians only?

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Rest

"Our hearts are restless until we find our rest in Him." Augustine. Confessions I.1

I have a lot of questions about rest. What is true rest? What is the rest that Augustine is talking about? I would assume it is a heart that is settled, or satisfied in being God's, in being His beloved. Something like that anyway. Is this rest something that is final? Do people who find this rest in Him always have it or does it come and go? Cause if I find it, I want to have it for ever.

I am scared of this rest, I think. I am scared that when I find it, that when my heart is no longer restless, I'll have no more ambitions or desires. Like right now I am thinking of my desire to be a paraglider pilot. Who knows when or if it happens but my life long dream has always been to fly and paragliding is the cheapest and a very exciting way to do it. I wonder if I desire to do it to fill some sort of void in life. That my desire to do it is an attempt too fill a void that only God can fill. I desire to have a rested heart but I am wondering if this is something I gotta give up in order to find my rest in Him. I hope not. I hope that I can have both. I am just not sure. But I wonder.

And I wonder why people who love God still seem to have something missing. The words to U2's "I still haven't found what I am looking for" are running through my head. Ok, I just re-read this paragraph and I should not have said "people who love God." Really, it is me who feels this way, that I still desire more of something. And I don't think I am alone. I think I desire more fulfillment, or happiness, or stuff. I don't know. I think this is my internal struggle between my "flesh" and God.

... I just took a couple of minutes to search the scriptures for the rest theme. Interesting truths in Hebrews:

1Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. 2For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith. 3Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,
"So I declared on oath in my anger,
'They shall never enter my rest.' "And yet his work has been finished since the creation of the world. 4For somewhere he has spoken about the seventh day in these words: "And on the seventh day God rested from all his work."5And again in the passage above he says, "They shall never enter my rest."

6It still remains that some will enter that rest, and those who formerly had the gospel preached to them did not go in, because of their disobedience. 7Therefore God again set a certain day, calling it Today, when a long time later he spoke through David, as was said before:
"Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts."8For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. 9There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; 10for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. 11Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience. (NIV)

I have a lot to learn about rest. It's been promised. That's sweet. Sounds to me like disobedience is a disqualifier. And sounds like it is important to God: "make every effort." I have experienced God's rest a few times. Really only one experience comes to mind at the moment. But it was sweet. Oh, and I think that rest is different than peace cause I have experienced God's peace a lot.

In a couple of weeks, Angela and I are going to spend a couple of nights away at a condo with two other pastor couples/friends of ours. One of the wives is going to share a few of her thoughts and a bit of her journey with rest and Sabbath. She is going to share a bit from Mark Buchanon's book: The Rest of God. I am looking forward to hear her story and then or course, reading the book for myself. Angela and I think we will read it together. We have heard that it is great.

So yeah, my heart is restless. I have found God, that is not the issue. It's that I want to find rest in Him.

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We made it!

Made it through what? Well, I am sitting at Angela's parents computer connected via dial-up, in cold Southern Saskatchewan. That means I made it through the exhaustive last week. That means I finally finished arranging that choir song I was talking about a while back (here.) It was that song that took all my free time in the past weeks. And that means the four of us made it on the plane, made it through the flight to Regina, and made it through the 3 hour drive to the farm. These were no small feats. Mackenzie and Lukas did pretty well with the travelling. They had the expected issues with the air pressures bothering their ears on landings, and had enough sitting by the time we got in the van for the ride to the farm, but overall, they did well.

So now do I relax? I'll try. I actually have a fair bit of "church work" I gotta do from out here. I am tempted to forget about it but then I wouldn't be taking care of my responsibilities. We'll see. And, usually when we go on a holiday, I get sick. Angela thinks it is because I come down from living life at a fast pace that I crash when it slows. She is probably right. So I am not looking forward to that. I will be sleeping more - naps every day and the occasional morning to sleep in when Angela's mom and dad entertain the boys. That will be sweet.

We'll have adventures on the farm. Mackenzie loves the farm. Tractor rides . . . horse rides . . . chores with uncle Richard and Grandpa. . .

We'll visit my sister and her family. Mackenzie will get to play with his three cousins.

We'll have some friends come visit from all around Saskatchewan. Sorry Sheldon, I don't think we'll make it to Saskatoon. I'll email or call though . . .

And, I'll be able to read some books and muse more on this blog. I am looking forward to that.

We'll finish watching the second season of lost. Richard and I will log a few hours on the xbox. We may even play some old school UT, Rogue Spear, Medal of Honor over the LAN on our pc's. Those old games are the only ones that may run on my laptop. None of this BF1942 or Half Life 2 stuff. Someday.

So yeah, stay tuned for life updates, thoughts on books and thoughts on other stuff. I am even going to take time to update a few things on this site. I'll wait till I get back to post some photo albums. After all, this is dial-up, the only option out here at the moment. I am thankful though - I am connected!

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Dispatches From The Edge

I am still trying to decide what I am feeling having finished this book tonight. I have mixed emotions but I don't know how to feel. It's the same as when I read Shake Hands With The Devil by Roméo Dallaire. That book was about the Genocide in Rwanda. Cooper Anderson's book is about tragedy of similar proportions.

You can read a much better review of the book than I could ever write here.

I am glad I read this book. I am not sure if I like it or not. I like it in the sense that I get to know a real person, and Anderson is a real person. I like him. I like how he thinks. I like how he hurts and processes pain. That is what this book is mostly about - pain. Yeah, he covers wars, famine and Tsunamis, but he shares about his life, his father's death and his brother's death by suicide. He shares his pain. And I guess on some level, I feel his pain.

I also like reading about tragedy. I don't know why. I just do. And I don't like reading about tragedy in a happy sort of way, but in a way that I learn about our world's reality. That I get to hear about people I may never meet but who lived on earth. Who may or may not have made a difference in this world, but that died before we could even see if they would. So, I like reading about it but I read with great sadness. Sadness that people are like that. That people have no problem killing. That people don't care about other people. I read with sadness cause there is so much death.

And I don't always know how to respond to tragedy. Should I be compelled to do something? Am I compelled? Am I doing anything? I made the comment to Angela today that I should go find a tragedy and offer help. Why would I say this? Is it because I want to see tragedy as a "looky lou"? Is it because I care about people? Is it because I like to be helpful? Is it because I want and adventure? Is it because people need Jesus in tragedy and I can be Jesus "with skin on"? I don't really know. Maybe all of those reasons.

I sure got the feeling that Americans elevate themselves higher than any other race. He didn't say that of course but as he is reporting on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, he is quoting people who say that they can see stuff like this happening in Rwanda, Iraq, Sarajevo or Sumatra, but not the US. They are referring to the fact that bodies were left to rot for days after Katrina hit. No one would pick them up. It looked like a war zone. Should we be surprised that such tragedy can hit close to home? I don't think so. We are not invincible.

I remember news reports of irate men and women who were furious that the government only gave them $2000 after Katrina. They said it was nothing and demanded more. Now, I agree that $2000 is nothing in the wake of having your home destroyed or family members taken from you. It's just that it seems to me we have become a culture that feels they deserve everything. That they deserve this and they deserve that. I could go to scripture to make a point but instead I'll just say that this spirit of entitlement seems wrong to me. I don't deserve anything. I am thankful for what I have. If the rubber meets the road and I am in a position of great loss, be it death or destruction, I hope I don't expect any compensation from anybody. I hope I don't demand that I receive help. I will hope for it, maybe even ask for it, but I hope I don't feel I deserve it - that I am grateful for it.

So yeah, I hope that gives you an idea if you would be into this book or not. I know some of you will read it cause I am bringing it to you when we come to Saskatchewan. I will be curious to know your reactions to the book.

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[re]Understanding Prayer

I got David Gray's "Lost Songs" playing right now. I have the blinds drawn and all but one light out in my office. I have a few pieces of Hazelnut Dairy Milk chocolate leftover from last night and this book in front of me. The perfect setting to talk books. Almost perfect anyway. An americano with cream would be perfect. Ah, can't have everything.

I'm now at a place of putting into language those particular moments of deep connection with God. Deep connection with God likened to those between, say, a husband and wife. And yet this is no husband-wife relationship. Far more. Not so much sexual, but at times intimate. Thorough. Hidden. Transparent. Near.

How do you put into words moments of deep connection held between a husband and wife that are not always intended for others? And if those moments are then taken and placed on the marked of public exchange, do they not lose their essence and sanctity in the transmission of those ideas? Here lies my anxiety. Does the husband or wife not, then, feel some sense of betrayal when their experience has gone public? So how do I talk about this primal, deep connection with God without betraying the essence of what it is? I have to admit the possibility that I may miss this entirely. In putting this thing into words, I may lose the sanctity of what it is.

I believe this is the reason Phyllis Tickle described prayer as "a place." "Prayer is a spot where we go just as surely as a church sanctuary is a place," she continues. "When we [pray], we are going into a place built from words. Or at least it's a place where words are the parameters, the walls into which we enter." This place is not necessarily physical. It's not something that can be stripped, reduced, and formulated into a seven-step process."
Kyle Lake, [re]Understanding Prayer, pg. 155-116.

I resonate with this. Prayer is a place. And it can't be reduced to formulas or steps. Even though this was found 3/4 the way through the book, I think it sums up Kyle's purpose for writing the book. Even though you can't strip, reduce, formulate or put prayer into steps, Kyle does attempt to talk about it. What he ends up doing, like his other book: Understanding God's Will, is blow apart myths surrounding the character of God and myths surrounding prayer. He writes about the problems of prayer as drama, prayer put into steps, prayers with big words, the insider language of prayer and more. All stuff I pretty much resonate with. So for me, not a lot new here, except that I find freedom in knowing that what I think is not just what I think but what others think. I find freedom in the fact that my prayer life is not contrary to everyone else's. If find freedom in knowing that others ask the same questions I do about faith. I find freedom ultimately from the guilt that surrounds my approach to prayer. Kyle talks a lot about prayer as a way of life. He talks about practicing the presence of God, quoting Brother Lawrence and other authors I like to read about prayer as life. But really, this idea is not widely accepted. I could get into this whole idea but it's a tangent.

So yeah, this book is not a whole lot new for me but I was glad I read it none the less cause it articulated a lot of what I have been thinking.

What I didn't like about the book was Kyle's tangents and weird thoughts. They seemed to have no purpose. One example is a whole chapter which is a letter to Garth Brooks debunking his song "Unanswered Prayers." I get his point but did he really have to write a letter to Garth Brooks? I also found that Kyle quoted a lot of people's material, which is fine in itself, but I found that I would rather read the people he quotes, like Henri Nouen and Brother Lawrence.

If you know anything about Kyle Lake then you may be thinking I am being a little harsh. I am sorry. Kyle died a year ago in front of his congregation. He was about to baptize a woman. He adjusted the microphone and received an electric shock that killed him. He was the pastor of University Baptist Church in Waco Texas, which Chris Seay and David Crowder started. So I don't mean to be harsh but the book does deserve an honest review. I will tell you though, I thought of his wife and kids a lot throughout the book. He talked about them lots and it is evident he loved them very much. I ache with them and the whole church community. Kyle lake will have touched more lives than he will ever know, including mine.

So, who should read this book? You. It is a good discussion on prayer. It is not too intensive. It is refreshing. It is a good first book on prayer. If you are a theologian or a philosopher, then, maybe it will be too basic for you. But I think you will come away refreshed and challenged at the same time.

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I've been gone

I've been away. And when I say away, I mean no computer of any kind and no internet. I've had lots to write about but no way to do it, aside from writing on paper and then typing it out later. But who writes on paper anymore?

This weekend I took a few of our junior high youth to a conference in Chilliwack. Overall, a good weekend. How do you really evaluate weekends like this anyway?

Included in this weekend was a van ride to Chilliwack. We topped up the van with Kelowna Alliance kids. The trip was uneventful, which is a good thing. There was a Friday night rally. My kids are not really rally kids. Oh well. We stayed at a nice place in Chilliwack for the weekend. We tried watching "Click" the movie but thankfully Maria made the call to turn it off. A pretty sick movie if you ask me. Maybe it gets better, I don't think I'll never know. Saturday brought a morning rally. After lunch, we stuffed backpacks with school supplies, toys and letters to send to Haiti. That was the favorite part of the weekend for a few of my kids. I wrote a letter and left an address. It would be cool to receive a letter. The rally that came after challenged us to think globally and socially. God keeps bringing Haiti to my mind. I don't know what that means. Maybe it is because I have been there, or because I have friends there right now, or because of this backpack project. I don't know but I wonder. We went to a WHL Hockey game in the evening and I really enjoyed it. I haven't been to a hockey game in over 8 years! Angela and I are thinking we would like to take our boys to a game. Maybe a Penticton Vikings game or a Kelowna Rockets game. See if they like it. Right now the only thing Mackenzie knows about hock is "Zamboni clean ice?"

After a decent nights sleep and a pancake breakfast, we went to our last rally. Our kids were finally called up for a game but were kinda shy that after they tried to go up and were unrecognized, they sat back down. Oh well. Their loss. We headed home and I only had to stop 3 times to wait for kids to settle down and put on their seat belt.

As for as the God factor and our kids. That is always hard to measure. Some put their hands up for some kind of commitment on Friday, but they don't want to talk about it. And the forced discussion times bombed. But both Maria and I had opportunities to hang out and chat with kids one on one which is good. And that was another good part of the weekend: having Maria along. When we first moved to Summerland, she was a youth in our youth group. Now she is a leader and an amazing one at that!

So that was the weekend. I have had lots that I have wanted to write about. I asked a lot of questions as usual. There have been some Oswald thoughts that I wanted to write about and some just life in general things, but I can rarely find the time. And often I will formulate thoughts and ideas to write about but share them with Angela and then I will no longer feel the need to write about them anymore. And I don't mind that at all cause Angela is infinitely more important to me than this blog and its readers. I'll keep writing though when I can so stay tuned.

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Scattered

some sheep aren't lost
they know exactly
where the shepherd is.
it's just that they're running
away from him.

That's from the book Story by Steven James, pg. 161. Angela and I read a chapter every morning. It's a chapter about how the disciples scattered when Jesus died. I just thought I'd share the poem.

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How alone am I?

I was sitting in church this Sunday, listening to the preacher preach, really listening, then hearing a particular point, then questioning that particular point, then disagreeing with that particular point, then not listening anymore, then hearing another point, then disagreeing with that point, and then asking "why"? Why am I disagreeing with this point? Why did I disagree with that other point? Why questioning these things? And why am I here listening in the first place? Then wondering: "Am I the only one that thinks like this? Am I the only one that has these rabbit trail thoughts during a sermon? How alone am I in my thoughts?"

As you read on, know that I don't write having formulated thoughts and strong conclusions. I write to formulate thoughts and try to reach conclusions. I rarely do though, reach conclusions, but then I realize it's more about the journey than the destination. So now, here is a bit of that journey . . .

We average a little over one hundred people at our services on a Sunday morning. Our church family is bigger than than and if everyone showed up on the same Sunday, we would be about 175 but we get a little over one hundred people a Sunday.

You know, even as I write this, I realize I am falling into the trap of thinking that church is all about the Sunday Morning Service. I know that is false but I do think the Sunday Service is the main source of a church's identity, ours anyway, whether good or bad, and that is why I do feel justified in asking questions about it. So I continue . . .

We have a number of parents who's kids have graduated from High School in the past 5 to 10 years. They make up the majority of our church. The seniors are the next biggest group. After that, we have young families - Parents who are in their thirties, approaching 40. Then, all the people that fit into one minority. That minority consists of one or two or three twenty-somethings, one grade 12 guy, and a few couples like Angela and I. This is a rough estimate. I love these people. At least I think I do. I guess you would have to ask them if I show it and they would tell you, but these people are my family. The thing is, I feel so alone in this crowd. I even think about it while I am leading worship sometimes. I look out and see my church family and I am happy to see them, but I don't see any real friends in this group. I try to be authentic in what I say and do in church but there is nobody here that I can be really real with. Ok, there are a few but not really. But as I lead and think this stuff, I feel alone. Not lonely necessarily, just alone.

Then, I listen to the sermon. And I really try to listen. And I try to listen for God's message, but I usually end up hearing stuff I don't agree with. I end up questioning what the preacher is saying. If I make notes, I am usually writing the difficulty. And this bugs me. Why do I do this? I have nothing personal against the preacher. Am I doing it because deep down I don't want to hear from God? Do I do it cause if I don't want to be changed? Because I don't want to be challenged? Because I am lazy? Or, do I do it because that is a roll God has given me to do? Not find fault in everything, but to question what I am hearing, what we are hearing. Track with me for a second so you don' misunderstand me: I wonder if God has created me in such a way that I ask a lot of questions. I wonder if he created me in such a way that I long to sift through words to find truth.

Right now I am feeling that this thought process is stupid. That it doesn't make any sense. I am going to try a different angle. . .

What bugs me about church is that a whole crowd of people can listen to a message without ever questioning it. What bugs me is that we could be fed some subtle lie, not because the preacher is trying to lead us astray, but maybe because of a poor illustration or a thought that hasn't been fully worked out, and nobody would ever know it. I want to give you an example from this Sunday but I think that would be mean. Because I know this Sunday's preacher and because we talked about the sermon before Sunday, I know what he was trying to say and I agree with it. He just communicated something else, something that could easily mislead people, but it was subtle and maybe no big deal. And it made me realize that what I long for in Church is for the people to approach God and his Scriptures together. That we work through the beatitudes together cause Joe over their might have some insight or something to share that Bill or I need to hear. Or Jane might restate what Bob said so that everyone understands that what Bob really meant. You get what I mean? I am tired of listening to one guy tell us what to do, who to be, what not to do. I guess I am tired of being preached at and I want to experience God together in community. If the preacher would have asked me about some of his points, I would have said: "I agree with you but try saying it this way cause I think if you say it the way it is written here, you will give people the wrong impression of who God is." Or, "maybe you want to think about this point. I know what you are trying to communicate but the text isn't really saying that. Not that it is wrong, but this might not be the place to preach it."

I am not about to give up on our church our anything like that. I am just wondering if I am really alone in my thoughts. I wonder if the majority of our church really likes coming on Sunday to hear one guy give them the formulas for a better life. I wonder if they are comfortable with settling.

I had no idea where this would all go. I am definitely frustrated and wondering where my place is in all this, being a pastor of this church family, but at the same time, I do believe that Jesus loves the church, and that he has faith that the church will be the people to grow his kingdom. And I want to be a part of the growing of God's kingdom.

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The cat is out of the bag!

Graham doesn't do devotions!

Graham is a guy in our church who spoke at our men's breakfast. He was a former pastor of a Baptist Church in Britain. He is on our church elders board. He heads up a bunch of ministries in our church. He is a guy that people naturally revere as a true man of God. And he is. He knows the scriptures in and out and speaks God's truth confidently to our church family and community. It's obvious he is a Spirit led person . . . and he doesn't do devotions! . . . And I think it's awesome . . .

Somehow I got this idea that to please God you need to read your Bible and pray everyday, no questions asked. The big question we all dreaded in Sunday School and later in College (I had a dean who would always ask) "How are you doing with devotions". Talk about a guilt trip.

And this is a prevailing attitude in churches, isn't it? The real spiritual people get up early in the morning to have their quiet time, read 5 chapters of the Bible, and pray for a half hour. And if we actually know someone who does this, we feel less spiritual and feel like we never measure up to God's standard. So whether people know how our devotions are going or not, we always feel bad.

So when Graham says he doesn't do devotions, this is not a new concept for me personally. That is not what I am saying, What I am saying is that I meet and commune with God regularly. I am more of the Henri Nouwen's school of thought that one ought to practice the presence of God. That life should be lived always acknowledging God's presence, listening to Him, talking to Him, allowing His Spirit to guide and direct, etc. I just have always felt alone in this and yes, I still feel guilty for not having regular devotions. I don't believe we should absolutely have a personal devotional time. When we do, we separate our relationship with God with the rest of life. It's like: "ok God, you have my attention for the next 20 minutes. Then I gotta go to work." Then, you pray, which is just usually lifting up a list of desires or complaints, and then God is forgotten. I think that is the kind of Christians we have bread in the last 30 years. I could go on and on about it, and maybe I should, but I am just happy Graham shared this little detail of my life cause if I would have shared the fact that I don't do regular devotions to the men of our church, they would gasp and wonder how I can call myself a pastor, let alone a Christian. I'm thankful for people in our churches that can speak truth more forcefully than our pastors can at times.

Now, I am not looking for an excuse to not read the Bible. Graham went on to say that like Moses, he desires to have a "tent of meeting" where he talks with and hears from God. For Graham, his tent of meeting is his hour long drive to work along the Okanagan lake every morning. For you, it can be a morning walk, while you cook in the kitchen, while you get ready for bed or get ready for the day. For me, it can be in the washroom, in my office, or more often while I drive. It is not always an hour, or half an hour. Mothers with kids don't often have a lot of time on their own to spend meeting with God. Angela gets maybe 5 minutes a day but I know she does, and God 'speaks' to her and she shocks me with what God has put on her heart at times.

I am not suggesting that you quit your daily devotions, quit reading the Bible and praying, but I am strongly suggesting that you can be free from the guilt that drives you to do these things out of duty. That God desires to be with you and meet with you, wherever and whenever you are.

Now Moses used to take a tent and pitch it outside the camp some distance away, calling it the "tent of meeting." Anyone inquiring of the LORD would go to the tent of meeting outside the camp. And whenever Moses went out to the tent, all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent. As Moses went into the tent, the pillar of cloud would come down and stay at the entrance, while the LORD spoke with Moses. Whenever the people saw the pillar of cloud standing at the entrance to the tent, they all stood and worshiped, each at the entrance to his tent. The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent. Exodus 33:7-11

Now that is the kind of meeting I want to have with God every day.

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Farting Preacher 5 (a)

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Update

Some of you have been asking for updates on a few things I have posted about previously. Before I do that, here are some pictures we took this Thanksgiving Sunday at the beach.

We also went trucking from Monday to Tuesday. All four of us went. This was the first time we have all gone together. We had a great time. Steve & Megan, who we haven't seen in over a year, invited us over for supper while we were in Abbotsford. Turned out to be a Thanksgiving meal with all the fixings! And we had a sweet visit. We got sleep in 2 hour bursts, which was the toughest part of the trip but all in all, a good time. This is a pic from the trip. Check out all the photos here.

And always know you can check out all the photos found in my posts on the right under the obvious title "Photos".

Now for the updates:

We have not found any more caches. We have thought about it and visited the website. We would now like to have a GPS.

We removed all the moldy materials from our basement. I really loved cleaning that up (note sarcasm)! We cleaned out a storage room that had some mold and water damage to the contents inside: 10 years of church financial records and other 'Jesus Junk." Harry and Bob washed everything down there with some special mold treatment. Next thing that needs to be done is sealing the concrete. This is a special compound that has to be applied and has to sit on the walls for 28 days. Then a coat of latex paint. Then oil based paint on top of that. Then new carpets. Then, fix the ceiling. Then take all of the stuff that is now in our guestroom and put it back into the new and improved playroom/living room. This needs to be done for Christmas cause my older sister's family is coming to stay with us!

Our VW Westy is still sitting where it was 4 months ago. I did move it once to mow the weeds under it.

I rewrote that thanksgiving letter and submitted it. I haven't hear any feedback. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. If you wanna read it, let me know and I can post it. Read the "Thanksgiving" post if you don't know what I am talking about.

I finished reading reUnderstanding Prayer by Kyle Lake but haven't had the opportunity to write a review on it. That will come soon. I am now reading The Younger Evangelicals by Robert Webber. If you haven't caught on by now, I am a slow reader.

I have not harboured bitterness in my heart towards Red Robins. I will have a Whiskey River BBQ Chicken Burger again . . . someday . . . soon . . . I am hungry right now . . . mmmmmm . . . I can almost taste it.

It's gone. The goat. After 2 and half years, I am clean shaven.

I have made no more progress on Glory in the Highest, the choir piece I am arranging. It's my laptops fault. It no longer wants to work with my USB Midi device (allows me to play the parts into the program with a keyboard). I set it up on another computer but that took a bit of time so I should be working on the actual arrangement soon.

And I am not rich in $ yet. I am rich in love though.

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Follow Up to "Rich"

This is another example of percieved needs vs. actual needs:

I recieved a newsletter today from Leslie Rolling, a friend of mine who lives and serves Jesus in Haiti. She works with Clean Water For Haiti. Her blog is here.

This is what she said in her letter:

One thing that I often encounter when getting ready to return here [Haiti] is that people will ask me if they can send things, like books, toys or clothes to be given away. We have a policy at CWH to not do this because in a culture where people have gotten so dependant on being given things it can greatly affect any kind of relationship you may want to build with them, hindering the work we are trying to do. In fact, the first English phrase that most Haitian children learn is, "Hey blanc, give me a dollar!"

I believe there is a slow shift happening with how people are going to be involved with organizations such as ours. For many years the normal apprach to helping would be to ask, "What things can I give?" With the complications that arise from working in different cultures there is an even greater need to entrust those on the ground with the resources (most often financial) necessary to most effectively work in cultures that they are serving. Having resources available to be used where needed is an empowering thing that will allow missionaries and aide workers to work more efficiently and effectively in accomplishing their goal of getting helpt ot where it is needed most, and that is one of the greatest forms of helping.

She said it better than I ever could. This was my experience in Haiti. We were told as soon as we got there that giving people money or whatever does not help them. It took me a long to understand this.

This is all to say that we need to be careful when we assess a need because as we try to meet it, we may be doing more harm then good.

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Glory in the Highest

You may wonder why I don't talk about music much on my blog, seeing as it is very much who I am and what I am employed to do. I don't talk about it much because I have a love/hate relationship with it. These last years, it has weighed heavier on the hate side of the relationship. (Just writing those lines makes me realize that this could be a huge topic for me to blog about - a journey to embark on so to speak). Music is probably my biggest insecurity. I feel a great sense of failure when it comes to music. I kinda know the root of the problem and it is slowly getting better. I have a few things to work through though. Ok, maybe a lot. Do any of you want me to explore this facet of my life on this blog? Or would you rather not hear about it?

Anyway, what I wanted you to know is that I am embarking on a musical journey but not of the magnitude that blogging about my 'love/hate music relationship' would be. Every year the churches in Summerland get together for 'Carol Fest.' It is a night in which every church brings a choir that performs one song for the community. It really is a great night. The pastors all get up and do some sort of performance, usually involving humor. It is usually the hit of the show. The problem with Carol Fest though is that I have to come up with a choir piece, direct it, and then have our church choir perform it. This is stressful on a number of levels. First, the pressure of the perfect song. Who's gunna like it? Who's gunna hate it? Can my choir sing it? Can my band play it? Do I like it? Do I hate it? Then there is the stress of practicing it. Then there is the stress of performing it. If I have to arrange it, then that is a whole new level of stress.

Last year, I rearranged the Barenaked Ladies/Sarah McLaughlin's version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." I worked on it for over 12 hours when my laptop hard drive failed. Yeah that was fun. I had to redo it all. Anyway, I arranged the choir parts and played guitar for it. I had our intern conduct it. I had a bass player play. I put CD's together for everyone. On it, I sung all the parts separately, then put them all together. A lot of our people don't read music so I do what I can to help them learn it by ear. All in all, our choir did very well and I was proud of them.

The year before that, we "That little Baby." The year before that, "Light of the stable." I think we used the soundtrack for "Light of the stable" which is always embarrassing, but we had a full band for "That Little Baby." Yeah, I conducted the choir and played guitar. I had to. It was weird, but we did it.

So this year, we are going to do "Glory In The Highest" found on Chris Tomlin's new album that came out last week. It is not a Christmas song, per se, but it is. Listen to it and you will know what I mean. Angela had the vision for it, and I am going to run with it.

I have these grandiose plans for the song but therein lies the problem, I don't know if I can really pull this off. What I want to do is have a full band: piano, keyboards, bass, drums, percussion, acoustic guitar, and electric guitar. Finding people to play the parts isn't the problem. It is notating the parts, or rather, somehow communicating to the musicians what I really want to hear. You may say, duh, that is what music notation is for, and I agree, but I am really rusty at notating parts. I can read music but I don't always know how to write it? Do any of you know how to notate an egg shaker part? See what I mean.

So there is that part. Then there is arranging the choir voices. That's stressful for my mind and ears want everything to be perfect. Then there is the recording the song on CD for the choir. Mostly that is a time issue. Then there is the practices, which actually could be fun. Then the performance.

So this is where I am at: I spent a couple hours this afternoon working on the score layout. I am laying it out like a conductors score so I can see every part at once. I have got the layout for the first half of the song. I have got some of the solo parts notated. I am singing the solo so it that doesn't have to be too accurate. I have some of the electric guitar parts in there too. Basically, I am trying to make a map of the song so I can plot what I want, where I want it. Believe me, it's a lot of work.

The plan is to take this song, not as a choir piece, but as a worship song, let by a worship leader, backed up by a band and choir. Sure, it doesn't really fit the mold but I have decided that since I am a worship leader, not a choir director, I am going to lead worship. What I hear in my head - my plan for what it should sound like - is quite awesome but I am scared that it won't sound the way I want it to. That I won't be able to communicate to the musicians and singers what I want to hear. Ultimately, I'm scared it will fail, flop, and that I will look bad. Call me shallow, whatever.

So you may be saying: "what are you waiting for, get to work!" I will in a sec. Give me a break. I have to have it all done by the time we go to Saskatchewan on the 30th. Oh, I just scared myself. I just realized how soon it is. . .

Just know that this will take up a good chunk of my life this next little while. I am warning you just in case I don't post as often. And you can pray for me too. And pray for my family. Sometimes I can get too focused and that is not good for any of us.

Anyhow, go listen to the song. The whole CD is awesome. Google Chris Tomlin and you'll find it. I'll keep you posted as to how it is going. Maybe we will even record our performance and I could post it. That is not till November . . .

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