So which is it?

Could it be that my prayer for wisdom, or that God would fix our car, or that He'd miraculously give us a new one, or that he would "fix" our situation, comes out of a heart of doubt rather than trust?

Through this little trying time and really all throughout our dark summer, we've been trying our best to trust God. We have asked a million times: "what does it mean to trust God?"

So Angela and I read this passage this morning:

John 7 (The Message)

1-2 Later Jesus was going about his business in Galilee. He didn't want to travel in Judea because the Jews there were looking for a chance to kill him. It was near the time of Tabernacles, a feast observed annually by the Jews.

3-5His brothers said, "Why don't you leave here and go up to the Feast so your disciples can get a good look at the works you do? No one who intends to be publicly known does everything behind the scenes. If you're serious about what you are doing, come out in the open and show the world." His brothers were pushing him like this because they didn't believe in him either.

6-8Jesus came back at them, "Don't crowd me. This isn't my time. It's your time—it's always your time; you have nothing to lose. The world has nothing against you, but it's up in arms against me. It's against me because I expose the evil behind its pretensions. You go ahead, go up to the Feast. Don't wait for me. I'm not ready. It's not the right time for me."

9-11He said this and stayed on in Galilee. But later, after his family had gone up to the Feast, he also went. But he kept out of the way, careful not to draw attention to himself. The Jews were already out looking for him, asking around, "Where is that man?"

It's odd to say but it was really Eugene's comments about this passage that spoke to me:

Unbelief is impatient with God's ways. The counsel of Jesus' brothers stemmed not from their trust in him, but from their doubts about him. But Jesus will not be hurried, and he will not be pushed.
A Year With Jesus: Daily Readings And Meditations by Eugene H. Peterson

If Mr. Peterson is correct, than there is a good chance that when we approach God and ask Him to come through on our prayers, it may be because we don't actually trust Him - like the disciples in the passage. We doubt he is able and we approach him with a "cummon, I gotta see it, show me what you got" attitude, like the disciples in the passage.

What does that mean for us right now with our car and making it through life in general? I think it means that to trust is to wait on His timing. There's no hurry to figure it all out or fix everything. It's kind of odd but there is a sense of peace that comes with it.

So today I pray as Eugene Suggests:

Do it your way, Jesus, and in your time. Give me the gift of patience to wait, the gift of courage to persevere, and the gift of faith to believe that you do all things right. Amen.

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junkyard

When we pull into the driveway of the house we rent, my 1980 Yamaha Virago and VW Westy of the same year, are there to greet us. Both have been parked there for over a year. If I park the church van in the driveway, my yard closely resembles a junkyard. Almost every time we pull in, I say something to Angela like: "I wish I could just get rid of that bike and/or VW van." I mean it half of the time.

See, at one time, all I could think about were motorcycles. Two of the three bikes I've owned in my life were given to me outright, including my current Virago. But I don't think about bikes all that much anymore. Especially since I made the decision not to insure it. This was a tough decision made easy because of my commitment to my wife and kids. No problem. I can deal with that. I just wish I didn't have to see it every time I came home.

And the VW van - once a dream. Since it broke down last summer, it has served as a storage locker with wheels. We love camping but have not done so since that fateful July day in the Roger's pass.

So, these two vehicles serve as a daily slap in the face. They are reminders that I don't earn enough money to get either on the road.

Now I can add a third vehicle to the junkyard collection: our 1990 Honda Accord EXR. Yeah, we did just got it fixed (again) but now it's not running reliably and I fear it will not make it home if we decided to leave the yard.

So we are grinding through the decision to lease or buy and it seems like leasing is our only option right now. I wish it weren't so. Even if I could sell my bike, I can't sell the van cause I am only part owner. The new parts on my car are worth more than what I could get for it at a junkyard.

Ideally, I'd like to drive home to an empty driveway in a newer Civic or Mazda 3 Sport. It's just not that easy. I've been challenged lately by Marc's and Sheldon's thoughts on these issues and wonder where I fit in with "wanting more" and "living the easy like."

I don't really know what I am saying by this post. I'm just a little frustrated with our life situation right now. We don't know what to do about car stuff. We can't really afford much. And we don't know what it means to trust God either. I wish it was as easy as trading 3 defunct vehicles in for one that works and is reliable.

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