Ok, so now I am thinking more about death, heaven, hell, and the soul. I was starting to think that I have never really grieved. I have never felt death that close. But then again I wonder.
The first funeral I remember was the funeral for my great grandfather - my dad's grandpa. I think we sang "Mansions Will Glisten on the Streets of Glory" at the funeral, my dad on his guitar, my sister singing, and me on the violin (note: no reference to fiddle - read the the book mentioned in the previous post). But I never new my great grandfather. No real sense of loss.
The next taste of death, and I may be messing up the orders of these chronologically, was the passing of Dr. Dave Hildebrand and his wife. Dr. Dave inspired me. He was our orchestra conductor. He encouraged me to do "special numbers" while he played the piano as my backup. He taught me how to play rook. And it is his leadership style, I think, that I mostly closely mirror more than anyone else: a tremendous musician with the gift and skill to inspire amateurs to learn to play together and make beautiful worship. His sudden death was a shock, to put it mildly. I was in grade 11 I think. John, their son, was on our football team, and I knew Tim as a college kid I looked up to. Dr. Dave was buried in the cemetery at the end of our street. I grieved, but not too deeply, I don't think. I try to honor him, in how I work with people in music and I do think about him from time to time, especially when I feel like complaining about my situation or when the music I am involved with is sucking. Mainly because I never EVER heard him complain once and if anyone had reason to, it was him. Incidentally, I received the scholarship in his name every year I was in Bible College. I am very grateful.
I think it was my grandma who passed away next. I think it was my freshman year in college. I think this because my grandma came to live with my parents and I don't remember a lot about when she was there. I think I was in the dorm. I think I wanted to avoid the situation, probably because it made me uncomfortable. My grandma was sick and my mom was taking care of her in her last days. My mom was the one that carried the whole weight of that. I am sorry that I stayed so distant in that time. My only memory of that time after was of the viewing. We were there with my mom's family and the funeral director left us there with my grandma for an awful long time. We cried and grieved, like we thought we should. But that didn't take long. Awkward silence followed. Then snickers. And before long, we in stitches, for no particular reason. Probably because of the awkwardness of it.
Then there was Josh. He was my best friend while my family lived in northern Manitoba. After we moved, we kept in touch. We wrote letters and sent tapes of our song ideas - he was an amazing musician. But then, the letters and tapes traversed our provinces less frequently. I went back to visit him once. Then, we just lost touch. There was thread of connection through his parents friendship with my parents and his sister's friendship with my sister. That was about it. And it was through those thin connections that I got word he was struggling with schizophrenia. Like the "good" friend I was, I didn't do anything to contact him. Nothing. A heavy regret I carry to this day. And it was through those thin connections that I heard he had passed away.
We went to the funeral in Winkler MB, Angela, my parents and I. There were so many people I watched it all from a tent outside. I sobbed like a baby. And sadly it wasn't tears for him, it was my guilt and shame for not reconnecting with him. It was the "only ifs" that stung. But, as little as I know about grieving, I think that may be part of the package cause I think I've hit different stages in the process at various times. Now, if I cry, it is because a mother and father lost a son, a brother and two sisters lost a brother, I have lost a friend and this world has lost a magnificent man.
I have heard a bit of his God journey near the end of his life. He lived for God but it was a struggle. . .
(A pause. I am just sitting here, remembering)
So that is really the extent of my close brushes with death. I am not sure why I wrote that all, but you may be surprised to know that there is happiness for me in writing this. It has been good remembering. It has been good for my soul.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Goodness in remembering
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die
I just finished reading Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven But Nobody Wants To Die or the eschatology of bluegrass by David Crowder and Mike Hogan. In fact, I finished it within three minutes of writing this sentence and the one previous - all this to say, the following thoughts will be my gut reaction.
Well first of all, I don't contemplate dying, the soul, heaven or hell much. I think about it occasionally, in different forms but I don't contemplate it. Which surprises me cause death has brushed my family and friends, I co-lead a church that "should" be concerned with the state of man's soul, I have conducted a few funerals and have committed the dead to the dust of the earth (graveside service).
When I think about "how I think about" death, it usually is in the context of: "God, it would suck if Angela died" or "what would I do if one of my boyz died" or "what would life be like for Angela if I died" and then I don't want to think about those things anymore. But then I do, but the thoughts are usually accompanied by an ache and I think the ache is my understanding that death is a reality. The ache is that knowledge that I really don't know how long Angela, the boyz or I will continue to draw breath. That I am not in control of that and at it could be at any time I may loose someone. The ache is also the realization that I don't deserve life (this may need some explanation but for now, I am talking about the sin-state of man) and though I am thankful for it, it can be taken. And what this all boils down to then, is the fear of what comes next.
You see, the Bible is not really clear as to what comes next. That's what these two guys want us to know: that no one really knows what the soul is, and what happens to it after we die. Yeah, we have our theories: we don't really have a soul; that we have a soul but it dies when the body dies; when you die, your soul goes to sleep, that when the body dies, the soul leaves the body and resides in the presence of God; that the soul leaves and spends some time in purgatory (place where the soul cleanses itself before final judgement; and more theories I don't care to explain (p. 172-176).
Honestly, I don't know why I shared that in particular. I think what I was trying to get to is that Christians have spent little time thinking about such things and as a result, we paint for ourselves a misguided picture of heaven:- It will be better
The authors point out that very little of this is actually in scripture.
- There will be no problems
- There will be no sickness
- It will be peaceful
- We will be in the presence of God and/or Christ
- The cripple will be healed
- We will see friends and family that have died before us
- We will be eternal
- There will be humor
- People in heaven will be recognizable as they were in life
- There will be Angels
p. 176
Now that I typed that, I can't remember why I brought that up.
Ok, so I guess the point of the book, without giving it away is that we do have a soul, we will all feel the weight of death, we all will die, but because of the death of the human son of God, WE WIN! Death has no victory!
There is more to it than that of course. . . They talk a lat about bluegrass . . .
It may be interesting to note that David Crowder released their album A Collision, which is all about the struggle with death, long before they thought of writing this book. In fact, the death of Kyle Lake came shortly after the release of the album and it is his death (close friend of David and Mike) which had a huge influence in writing the book. And it was Kyle Lake who was instrumental in seeing the A Collision album released before he died.
If you haven't checked out the album, you should. It is weird - a fantastic piece of art in my opinion. And now I understand and appreciate that album so much more after reading the book.
And like the album, the book is weird too. It has insecure humor, weird stories, IM conversations, illustrations, and lots of footnotes. If you are an academic, probably not the book for you (they reference Wikipedia quite a lot).
So those are my gut reactions. Perhaps I will write more as I ponder more.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Theological leanings
I took this test today, inspired by Marc.
You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
71% Emergent/Postmodern
61% Fundamentalist
50% Charismatic/Pentecostal
46% Neo orthodox
43% Roman Catholic
39% Modern Liberal
39% Reformed Evangelical
32% Classical Liberal
29%
What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com
I am not totally sure how to respond. This is the first time I took this test. Perhaps in time, I will take it again to see how I change, or rather, my theology changes.
I thought it was interesting that I scored as high as I did in the "Fundamentalist" category. I'm not sure that that means. My excuse is that fundamentalism is not all bad.
I think being in the C&MA (Christian & Missionary Alliance) has had quite the influence in me, especially in the Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan area.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I see, said the blind man to the deaf lady . . .
With the holiday season upon us, I've had more time to do nothing. And what does a guy do when he has nothing to do? Of course, he watches TV.
So, I have watched some pretty random shows lately. So random, I can't remember what they were called, but what I found interesting about a number of them is that they like to do this narration thing. - that in between dialogue, a voice explaines what is going on. It is actually what kept me watching. Not because it enhanced the story but quite the opposite. It's oddness just kept me glued.
Well, I turned to a random show tonight and it too had this narration thing going on. I had some sort of thought like "not another one! How many shows like this can the viewing public handle?" Then another thought struck me: "maybe this is not really for the viewing public. Maybe this is some sort of feature for the visually impaired." But surely, technology had not advanced this far had it?
I decided to play with the audio settings on my TV. Right away I noticed they were set to "SAP". I have never known what SAP means but I have always been curious. In the past I settled for the "Stereo" setting beacuse I understood that and "mono" is boring. Well, you guessed it, when I set my audio back to stereo, the voice disappeared! Amazing. I actually thought these shows were starting a new trend and that I was at the forefront.
But I wonder, how does a visually impaired person go about changing the settings on their TV? I have the pleasure of good eyesight and even I didn't notice the settings were changed.
Point of the story: if you are ever bored and are watching a dull show on TV, turn your audio to "SAP" and close your eyes to really experience the show. It will come alive! No not really, but I bet you are tempted to try it, aren't you?
And hey, I'll save you some time: wikipedia says that SAP means Second Audio Program. Who? was to know they could broadcast more than one audio signal?
Apology?
So I feel that I must apologize. But why should I, this is my blog. Yeah, that's right - something in me feels apologetic about not posting for many days. But something else in feels that I shouldn't care. So which something should I listen to? I guess if I quit writing, people will stop coming by, so for that reason I should be more prudent.
And I guess this would be the paragraph where I write all my excuses for not blogging, but frankly, I am feeling too lazy to write any right now.
And this would be the paragraph where I tell you what has been going on in our lives but I'm not in the mood. I have actually been really tired of the internet and all that comes with it. I have been neglecting my email inbox(es) and only really hitting Google when I absolutely have to. I don't really know why that is, but sitting in front of a monitor doesn't appeal to me these days.
So now I have a week of almost nothing. My only responsibilities are those that come with having a family and making sure the Sunday Service happens next Sunday. All the other stuff is for fun. What I am saying is is that I imagine I'll have a lot of time to read, think and write and if that is the case, this blog will be a little more active.
Merry Christmas. I hope these days are filled with curiosity, awe and wonder . . .
Friday, December 15, 2006
When Christmas falls on Sunday
Ok, so I know it is a year late, but I just came across this blog by Scot McKnight on the issue of whether to cancel the Christmas day service (2005). Many churches did and many Christians didn't like it. I read this blog cause Rick and I were considering not having a Sunday Service at all this Christmas Eve. The board didn't go for it and that's fine, but I hope they at least thought about it. If you are interested in this kinda topic, read the full post here. But click "read more" under here to see a few excerpts from it.Here’s a fact consider: evidently, God thought a bundle of days were so important for the Jewish calendar that he gave laws both on the necessity of their annual celebration and he told them just how to celebrate that day. And Israel did just that.
Does that wet your whistle? Go to http://www.jesuscreed.org/?p=601 to reat the whole blog. Good stuff. . .
Here’s something else to think about: evidently the same God didn’t think the same of Christmas, for there are no legislations about keeping but one “holiday”: the Lord’s supper. . . .
Does the NT teach a Sunday morning worship service? Well, the evidence isn’t what some are making it out to be. We need to be fair here: there is a distinction between what is taught and what is mentioned or hinted at as something practiced. And there is no clear text legislating that Christians are to meet for worship on a Sunday morning.
And it ought to be observed that there is, whether some will admit it or not, no clear connection between Christian worship on a Sunday and the Sabbath. The Sabbath is a day of “rest” while the Sunday was a time of “worship.” (See here A.G. Shead, New Dict. of Bibl. Theol, 749-50.) Not one shred of evidence here. In fact, the Apostle Paul says in Col 2:16 that one’s judgment about Sabbaths ought to be kept to oneself – or at least it ought not to be used as an instrument of judgment. (I have a hard time, and you probably do too, thinking Paul is letting ordinary Christians render judgment about when they were to “attend worship.”)
... let me poke some in the eye here: what I’m reading is that there is too much identification of “worship” with Sunday morning and too much identification of “being the church” with “attending a Sunday morning service.” I find this pretty surprising in that so many are making the case, pretty solidly I think, that “church” is not something done on Sunday mornings but something we “are” and “are all through the week” – climaxing at the Lord’s table and in Sunday worship. . . .
. . . another issue involved for many churches: the performance nature of the Christmas Eve service is so intense that there is nothing left for another service. Again, you might fight hard against the “performance” level and concentration (cantata, musical, theatricals, whatever), but argue that that and not that churches have lost their soul if they cancel Christmas Sunday services.
In particular
I work with young people. If you do too, or have kids, or have friends who have kids, you may find this interesting. I am quoting from an article in a online magazine that I pay for called "Engage." It is the journal of youth culture put together by the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (CPYU). The article is called "In Particular" and is written by the CPYU president, Walt Mueller. In the article he lists and explains "10 surprising things you need to know about youth culture." Here is his list:
1. Advertising is a powerful shaper of kids.It is for reason 10 that I work with young people. It is for reason 10 that I have no trouble bringing up my boys in this world. But those first 9 sure shape kids now adays.
2. Everything's happening at younger and younger ages.
3. They are engaging new media in new ways.
4. Family violence is rampant.
5. The nature of peer pressure has changed.
6. Materialism is a desirable lifestyle.
7. Oral sex is big.
8. Far too many kids depressed.
9. There's little difference between churched and un-churched kids.
10. In the midst of all this, children and teens are increasingly becoming more and more aware of their deep hunger for something more.
This article made me think about my middle-school kids and why they frustrate me so much. But I do have a lot of hope for them.
Each of these "surprising things" were discussed in the article, but this gives you a outline as to what shapes our kids. If you are interested in reading the whole article, let me know. I know I can get permission to distribute it.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Women in Ministry
I'm doing some good reading this morning on Women in Ministry. I started with this blog post by Scott McKnight on 1 Timothy 2:8-15.
That led me to a paper writting by Dr. Franklin Pyles on the same text. Go here for that one.
Here is his conclusion:
Therefore, the passage does not forbid women being involved in the leadership of the church, nor does it forbid their teaching men the Word of God. Women should be allowed, on the basis of the New Testament, to be fully active in every part, and at every level of ministry, as were their first century counterparts. I conclude in concurrence with A. B. Simpson who wrote in reply to someone who complained about women preaching and teaching in the early Alliance that the issue was not that women taught, but what they taught. As long as they taught the truth, there is no reason to hinder them.This is timely because our church leadership (all guys) has been working through this issue - or rather the issue of women as elders. I love my church and it's leadership but this is one issue I am at odds with them. I believe women can be in leadership and it is unfortunate that our church doesn't allow it - we have some gifted women that are not allowed to use their gifts. I think we all loose out when we get in the way of God.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Hiatus
There are a number of reasons I have not posted anything here for the last 11 days. In case you don't know, you can click "Read more" underneath this line to read the rest of the story . . .
Let me walk you through what was:
Saturday, December 2
- Laura's Birthday breakfast at our house.
- Mammoth church board meeting. 8 hours, Pizza included
- Visit from an old friend, Marc. A refreshing visit. He was the first friend I ever had a memory of. We lost touch over the years but somehow, through blogging mostly, we have reconnected.
Sunday, December 3
- Church and all that comes with it
- Left Mackenzie with my parents
- Drove to Okanagan falls to meet up with friends - Halls and Moores
- We rented a huge condo for two nights to hang out and relax
- We watched a talk by Andy Stanely called "Cheating the church. Simply amazing. It's blogable but only if I can fit in the time.
- Spent our first night away from Mackenzie since Lukas was born
Monday, December 4
- More hanging out and relaxing
- Went to the hospital to visit Benj & Theressa and their new baby boy
- Watched a Wayne Cordero talk - another good one. Compliments Andy Stanely's
Tuesday, December 5
- More relaxing and hanging out
- Headed home to see pickup Mackenzie
- Did the worship thing at AWANA
- The retreat was sweet in the sense that we got to hang out with friends and spend some good
focused time with Lukas.
Wednesday, December 6
- Left at 6am in the Kenworth headed for Nisku (just south of Edmonton)
- Had on a 60' drilling apparatus. I think they called it a jib crane.
- Roads were ok through the mountains.
- Arrived on time but they weren't ready to unload me. Took about 4 hours.
- Got going again and ended up driving until 1:30am the next morning
Thursday, December 7
- Hit the road at 6am and headed to Brooks, AB
- Loaded up big round bales - 52, 000 lbs worth!
- Round bales are wide. 10 feet wide!
- Started for home with my over sized load and jittery nerves
- Made it to Kelowna by 11:30pm that night
Friday, December 8
- Headed up toward Big White Ski Resort at 7am
- The tractor unloaded me by pushing the bales off the other side - different.
- Hot home at 10:30am
- Hung out with my family till lunch
- Setup for our church's Christmas party all afternoon and into the evening
- Got insulted by our guest musician/singer
- Ate my turkey dinner with a sour taste in my mouth
- Led the party in some rousing Christmas Carols
- Crashed on the couch with Angela later that evening
Saturday, December 9
- Decided to "cheat the church" and skip men's breakfast to hang out with my family. I had seen
Mackenzie for a total of 4 hours in the past 6 days.
- Terry Switzer Trucking Party. We went to the Gausthous (or something German like that) in
Westbank
- I double my intake of escargot this year - I had two
- I had an amazing brie covered steak
- I'm glad I still drive truck for the very reason that I can go to a Christmas party still
Sunday, December 10
- Church and all that it contains including video and sound difficulties. A difficult morning that
way but a good morning none the less.
- Our first night at home in over a week that we could relax - just the two of us. Sweetness.
Monday, December 11
- Hung out at home with my family - it is my day off after all
- We picked out an cut down a Christmas tree.
- This is Mackenzie watching his dad cut down the tree
- Put the tree in the house.
- Another relaxing evening at home
Tuesday, December 12
- Laptop surgery day
- Took me most the morning to get the mobo out. One pesky screw was holding me up.
- Had the new power plug in, laptop working and all in one piece by 3:30pm
- Played Xbox with my junior high Xbox crew
- Sung the "Christingole" song at AWANA (last night of AWANA this year!!)
- Quartet practice after AWANA
- Angela picked up slurpees that we drank till we went to bed
Wednesday, December 13
- Mackenzie jumped into bed at 7:15am. I put on "Cars" and started blogging . . .
Friday, December 01, 2006
Bated Breath
Our lives changed in October: Robby handed us his roomate's DVD set of Lost: Season 1. . .
Since that fateful day, we have ceased watching anything else on TV altogether. We were hooked from the very first epoisode. It took us a couple of weeks to finish the first season. We would watch an episode here and there when we could fit it in after the kids went to bed. Just before we finished the first season, my friend Steve gave us season two. That carried us through to the middle of November. Then, when season two was over, I "aquired" the released episodes from season three. After two months of this obsession, we have caught up to the rest of the world. We are now waiting for Episode 7 of season 3 with bated breath . . .
And, because we watched Lost and nothing else, I got behind on some of the other shows I had been following. I caught up to the rest of the world with Prison Break yesterday. That's a sweet show. Now I wait with bated breath for the next episode.
